Even superheroes need help from their sidekicks. Stand up and face the dark with bravery ❤️😘


At 6 am I have fed my cats, cleaned their poop, eaten, taken my vitamins, meditated, posted memes and advice on other social media sites, and written emails.  I am ridiculous; I can’t sleep past 5 am; it is very funny to me that in my late teens/ early 20s I would still be AWAKE at this hour (with the assistance of substances and mania). Chalk it up to my age, maturity, but most PRACTICING BALANCE and self care! I must sleep for at least 8 hours a day, exercise, meditate, take my medicine and vitamins, drink an intense amount of water, and garner guidance from groups and peers. The sleep part comes in spurts; I usually take a nap mid-day, as I am often awake until 1 am. Life is about balance; listen to your body! Just because I am up this early, I don’t expect YOU to be! Be kind to yourself and at any point you can start your day over!

Part of my story

Hopefully telling some of my story will inspire people; I do not share this for pity or sorrow, but as motivation. I am doing well and absolutely happy and not looking for sympathy! I share this to encourage others and let them know there is light after the darkness! In 2002, at age 23, I attempted suicide, and wound up in a coma for a while; the result of a stroke. I had cut of the oxygen supply to my brain, was on life support, and nearly died. I have had extensive speech, occupational, and physical therapies and have had to relearn everything; I was unable to move or make noise for some time. As a result, I have holes in my brain, and now use a walker. Fast forward fifteen years and I have my personal training certification that I earned while handicapped and I worked at GNC for 3 years. I am having health issues, and not working out so much lately! I have many other problems, too, but this is one I share in the hopes that it will show at least one person that it CAN get better. When all seems lost, it CAN. Have faith that it can!


Perhaps, “She is gone…AWOL!” ,you thought. No I am here, I have been working very hard…and my life is changing for the better. Work; that dirty word. Unfortunately, you actually have to do the action required to get the desired results. No one can do “it” for you; although it might, indeed, be nice to have a genie or a fairy godmother. Alas, as that  is not the case, we have to toil diligently if we want the utmost results. It is easy to become discouraged; either because of yourself or society. Try soooo hard not to let that negativity get to you. You have probably have more positive…umph.. than you realize!!

Mental: It’s really okay to have a bad day! I seem like I’m super-peppy and optimistic. I usually am! But do you seriously think there are people who NEVER have bad times?? Really? We are emotional beings by nature; it is actual  not the norm to NOT have emotions. We needn’t be hard on ourselves for being “off”. It just happens 🙂

Physical : Just because others give you limitations,it does not mean you have to accept them. Limits can be pushed and changed; I know this well. You may feel like the world has given up on you, therefore you might as well give up on yourself. Your body can handle quite a bit. Obviously, if something is very painful :not good. But :tired and sore from exercise is a good kind of sore 🙂

Social: Like attracts like. Not scientifically guys! If we are around positive, usually happy go-getters, we might be encouraged to act “as if”. Conversely, cohorting with pessimistic consumers may place a negative spin on one’s life. This is NOT suggesting not to interact with those having a bad spell; like I said, everyone has their moments!

You truly never know what someone else is going through.
You truly never know what someone else is going through.


I have been VERY busy doing things for different organizations, mainly mental and physical health. At the gym this morning, I saw a senior citizen fitness class. A man showed me how he was walking better with a cane. These things made me elated. A man next to me was lifting heavy weights, but I couldn’t help but be enamored by people with canes and walkers working out, walking slowly in a circle in an adjoining room. A friend told me of a young man with a prosthetic leg on a swim team a few months ago..another friend exercises despite having arthritis. Things are not just physical, I know for myself and MANY people, it’s VERY hard to do anything,even the mundane. Or see light when all you want to do is disappear into the black. The people that go to the gym when they do not need to, who participate in life when it’s unfathomable; they are the ones who give me strength and hope. Personally.

Mental: Be the best YOU. Not compared to social constructs or what you see and read and feel you “should” be. An example: one has the notion you can never be too rich or  too skinny. They keep losing weight; it is never enough, eventually they end up in the hospital psych ward; the illusion almost killed them. Then they realize they have the world at their fingertips financially, but all the money in the world cannot buy happiness; disillusioned, they shirk life. Happiness is not tangible; no weight,no chemical, no money can replace it. Be happy with you, not compared to others.

Physical: Just do it! Everyone has to start at point A. You should not be embarassed. No person has the power to make you feel that way. No one starts out wonderful,don’t feel like you should. Do it for your heart, your metabolic system, your lungs, your balance, your movement, your cardiovascular system…your health… not so you look good in gym clothes or have the biggest muscles.

Social: Sometimes we just have to do things because we know they’re right, although we may not WANT to. Doing the right things, in society, is not always easy (at all) when we are pulled in the opposite direction (by ourselves and others). But it most often will simply feel better!

What I grew up thinking

I heard, constantly, the phrase “Life sucks”… and then you commit suicide because it’s so bad. Undoing this notion is a constant work in progress,considering the large sway it held. I have my moments of getting caught up in the woes of the world, I am human; I have emotions. However, viewing the world itself as negative is not something I subscribe to at all; it makes one bitter and hateful, always seeing the bad things around them. Maybe it’s selfish, but I like doing well and sharing my happiness with others because it makes me feel good, and hopefully it influences people. I do not have the key to life, I have my struggles;but giving up or being hateful is just not on my dance card these days!

Mental: I hear “That which does not kill you makes you stronger.” Sometimes things are seemingly impossible to surmount, though. But you can get through them! If you are reading this, you are alive; you have survived all your trials and are still standing. Best not to stop now; what would that accomplish?? Sometimes life gets you down; sometimes you have to say “I WILL FIGHT”  (for GOOD things) to it and keep on pushing through.

Physical: Physical ailments can have a significant impact on the mind. You never know how someone else is feeling to themselves. Someone elses struggles might be taken in stride by me or conversely, unfathomable.We are all in different places in life and have issues specific to us. Sometimes the best we can do is show encouragement, care, and ultimate love to others. It is horrible when people struggle physically,but as I cannot change their bodies, showing compassion is possible, at least.

Social: Love people until they love themselves; is a good theory, but harder to practice. This can have significant impact, though; if people did not practice this on me, I would not be writing this. Allow people to love you; sometimes it gets annoying, but it can change you. Not love you for your physical attributes, but love you for you (because you are JUST as deserving as anyone else).

love is everywhere

Cheers to you

You all rock, yes you! You all inspire me and motivate me everyday; your encouragement is awesome. And I can imagine, if you guys do it for ME who else you rub off on. Imagine if we all lifted each other up, what an incredible world this would be. No competition about how cool you are, how good you look, what you have,etc; just people loving and being there for others! Keep putting out positive energy to the world, it makes a difference!

Mental: When you wake up tell yourself it’s going to be a good day; if things go awry…take a moment then hit reboot! You always have the ability to change your mindset; any time, place, etc. Up to you 🙂

Physical: Avoid putting anyone down because they  are not as physically “good” as you. When I was first disabled, I didn’t go out in public for a year and a half!! because I had seen my whole life the disdain with which people with disabilities, not “good looking” enough, physical defects, etc. were treated. This scared me… how I might be treated; I was physically immobile, yet was the exact same person. Sometimes people fail to look beyond the physical and miss the true individual; often failing to see wonderous people because they don’t see beyond the external.

Social : Be good to each other, comparisons stink. Often, we find ourselves in a contest with society as to who is “better”. Better looking, better car, clothes, behaved,etc.,etc.When really you should compete with no one but yourself. Strive to be the best you you can be; not the best “them”


Positive or negative?

This morning was rocky (physically), I had trouble walking; for a brief instant I was upset. Then I mentally told myself, “This will pass, this will not stop  me, I am going to have a good day Damn It!” I have many friends who are struggling with some major life issues; the fact that I have trouble walking for a few hours does not even begin to compare! I think about my friends all the time, send them love (sometimes I slack on calling, etc. 🙁  ); whether or not they believe in their abilities- I DO!!! If you are my good friend or I barely know you…you have good in you! Choose to use it….you have the ability, live positive and your mind will follow!

Mental: Sometimes bad things happen but you can go down with the ship or stay afloat. Life isn’t perfect (at least I have DEFINITELY found that true!), but you can at least do the best you can with what you’re working with. We all have bad moments, days, weeks, years, etc, but your perspective can dramatically change even the worst of times. Often, we can make a huge “to do” out of something that is actually very trivial. If it actually IS a big deal, TELL yourself: you will get through this, overcome your obstacle.

Physical : Continuation of mental; if the obstacle is physical, sometimes it’s not so easy. But if you stay positive, you will naturally do and feel the best about your situation, whether you’re confined to a wheelchair or have a twisted ankle,etc. Don’t give up if you’re not doing well in daily physical life or not playing up to par in athletics; you are perfectly entitled to an “off” time. Just keep trying and don’t throw in the towel in frustration; giving up will condemn you to failure and can make you feel upset with yourself.

Social: Like the saying says: “No man is an island”, though that’s not exactly what most of us learn. I was taught that independence, self-sufficiency, self-discipline,etc. were paramount. Those are admirable… but those ideal also made me feel horribly alone,isolated. Ironically, admitting I could not, actually, exist independent of the world has made me a much stronger person. I had to quit being so damn stubborn and actually listen to people. Whether it is in the mental or physical realms, let people guide you and help you! You do not learn lessons through osmosis!

what you tell yourself


In hearing something last night, something was impressed upon me that I KNOW, but sometimes forget. That is that I am in a constant state of change; me (even a day from now) is different than before. I have different thoughts, have experienced more and been exposed to more than previously. I used to pigeonhole myself, think that “this is how it is and always will be!”. Some of the things I do today… if you had told me five years ago, I would be irate at the audacity of the suggestions. Whether you’re 15 or 90, the fact is you are not who you were yesterday. If you have changed for the worse, tap into the you that you KNOW you have in you; if you question your ability, do the next right thing and soon it will come naturally; if you have changed for the better, keep going (you can ALWAYS improve 🙂

Mental: Your mentality plays an important role in your quality of life ; believe in yourself even when it’s hard. For me,when I am down, it  helps to think of others who have persevered through difficult situations; it reminds me that it can be done. If everyone consistently gave up…well there would be no motivation in the world. I am constantly seeing everyday citizens (younger,older, all ethnicities, genders, orientation, etc.) better their lives and the world around them; it is very inspiring!

Physical: Having strength, big muscles,and a great physique may make for a big ego, but may NOT equate to quality physically. If you look good and have size AND stability, that is great! But if you lack stability and control of the corpus, such other traits may serve no real purpose in daily life. If balance and stability are lacking, physical compensations will occur as well as muscular imbalances. I have stated before, it is of great importance to have proper core stabilization.What are the core muscles? Program for beginners:exercises or advanced:http://www.trainonline.com/advanced-core-strength-work-out-workout

Social: Realize who you are in this world, not on social media sites. There is a disconnect between you and the person/persons at opposite ends of the internet. As seen here! it does serve a great purpose,but should not be a substitute for  complete lack of social interaction. I have seen instances of people being completely different on and off a computer; it is awkward, to say the least. Try not to be so seduced by the internet that you cannot function and interact separately.- I need to elaborate! This does not pertain to people with serious mental or physical limitations!

Dodging a bullet (kind of ) and my ego

I had an incident this morning; I took normal OTC medicine that was basic (I didn’t even think about it) and my body did NOT like it. Like I’ve said I am bipolar AND have neurological issues. First off, I was shaky and unsteady, but what was very scary was the prospect that my mental state may be effected. Thank God it wasn’t! When I got to the gym this morning to work out (like usual), I was embarassed, and a very real part of me did not want people to see me in that state;what if they thought badly of me? But you know what,  it helped to put things in perspective; I was having a bad morning (point blank). I am nowhere near perfect mentally or physically and if I was not my best, that is ok! If my pride wanted me to hide from people, I would not work out (or practice) and who would that really hurt:ME. Often times our pride and ego keep us from living life,whether you don’t think you look good enough, are acting good enough, are performing well enough. All you can do is the best you can do at that moment. Don’t let your ego stop you from living your life. We all have flaws, don’t let them consume you to the point of inaction

Mental: Do the best you can with what you’re working with. If you’re having a bad moment or  day; do not beat yourself up over mistakes. Try to learn from them, but no one should expect you to do something perfectly always, ESPECIALLY if it is something you have never done before. Strive for the best, but if you don’t succeed,it is OK. Don’t get discouraged or give up! If you’re having a tough day mentally, talk to someone; don’t hold it inside and let it effect you negatively.

Physical: Regarding exercise;steadily increase your time, repetitions, sets, etc; and they will add up. If you are supposed to do a certain activity (balance, physical therapy, or weights,etc.) for a certain amount of time, push yourself to exceed it (if SAFE!) Regarding health; take care of yourself physically. This can mean: drinking more water (not fluids with sugar) , taking vitamins, taking medication as recommended, eating well,etc. It helps me to have set times to do these things; I tend to be scatter-brained; I need reminders. Alarms and pillboxes help, as does drinking large glasses of water with your meals, this way it is more difficult to forget these things.

Social : I have said it before;it is OK to ask for help if you really need it. Don’t learn to abuse it, but ask if you need it. NO, it does not make you weak or incapable…it makes you human, which if you’re reading this (hopefully!) you are.

start where you are