On amendments

Two very different experiences : the best way to avoid making amends is to not do wrong in the first place, but (as no one is perfect), correction of said situations as they come to fruition is helpful, as well. I often find myself “caught up in the moment”; saying and doing things I regret, however, the longer I allow my behavior to fester, the worse the heartache. As previously explained, my good friend recently passed away and the 16th anniversary of my father’s death was Saturday. When my father passed, I was in the midst of living a purely chaotic lifestyle; truly living to die, as it goes. I hated myself and the world and absolutely could not bestow love I failed to feel towards anyone or anything. I’m quite sure my father instinctively knew that I loved him, but I did not openly and readily express my feelings. Conversely, my friend who currently passed was completely different. I am absolutely 100% confident he knew of my unconditional love . Frequently, one of us would call or text the other to make sure the other party knew how much we loved them; that we were thinking of them.

Concerning my father; I cannot make things right with him face to face. I can, however be the best sister and daughter possible; as much as I am able. I do not feel shame, nor fault myself for that which I did not know. As for my friend, I take comfort in the knowledge that I expressed my feelings on a constant basis and he was aware of this. Often pride, ego, or a desire not to tell someone how much we love them, because we feel they may get a “big-head”, keep us from telling someone how much they are valued. The future is never promised; if you care about someone, there is no better time than now to tell them.

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