Sadness

Sadness and depression are something to which many are akin and few readily admit. I am currently doing well, but have my struggles as many do. I must say, I feel a tremendous sense of guilt at not feeling depressed; considering what I face tomorrow (the memorial service for my good friend). It is true that myriad of people struggle, but fear atteststing to this fact; if I may be so bold as to speak for others (if it requires admittance and revealing myself) I will do so.I am not ashamed of this, but I have suffered from bipolar disorder since adolescence; I also had severe anorexia, bulimia, and self mutilation issues for 20 years, my father committed suicide (I found him and had PTSD) I have been to jail 5 times, inpatient treatment over 30 times, attempted suicide 5 times, suffer from substance problems, and am physically handicapped… yet I am doing well. Believe you me, I know WELL of depression and angst, When I speak of choice, it is not misinformed, random, or from a textbook. There are times, as a write, that I am not in a “well” state; I remind myself that it will pass.
My writing is cathartic. I encourage each of you to do so; if not for others to view; simply for yourself. We are often faced with the predicament of solitude, with no other human being present. A paper or wordprocesser are always there; trust me, I know this well and have written much throughout my life. Paper does not judge; does not shame. There are many tools to deal with feelings of depression ; this is just one. Know that I do not preach love, happiness, choice and humanity without experiencing it. I am simply a person like you and I walk beside you; shoulder to shoulder.

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