2263299F-B742-4035-B855-B4E0B918F775Lesson from my cat? Disrespect the impossible ! Anything is possible if you try hard enough! Be amazing and show up! Be like Alu ; magical ! 😻😹

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Miracles

Sometime very soon 15 years ago, I found myself unable to move or speak. I am beyond grateful to have somewhat been able to recover. No, I am NOT searching for sympathy. No, I am NOT super-human. November is a time of gratitude; to look at the haves versus have nots. I might not be perfect or have the perfect life, but I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams. I don’t have everything I want externally, but I am super wealthy within; I am blessed with so much love, it’s ridiculous. You might think I’d change things in my life, but trust when I say I would change NOTHING! Everything in my life has made me who I am today and I love myself and my life. I am grateful to have the strength to face my fears with grace and walk through them. To those struggling : the light waits. What seems impossible ends if you have faith and allow it. Do not give up; it’s the time for miracles!

15 years

It is no secret that my days 15 years ago were comprised of needles, vodka, knives, blood, vomit, powder, pills, and self-destructive behavior. It is all a blur, but I know that sometime soon (15 years ago) I almost died and became handicapable. As I reflect on my life tonight, I can honestly say I’d change nothing. Indeed, I am supremely happy with my life. No, I don’t have a great deal of material possessions, but  I am supremely content within; something I lacked for much of my life. If I tell you something it is this: you’re alive; if anything be grateful for that. We so often chase that which is elusive; feel inadequate and never enough. You ARE enough! Don’t sell yourself short 🙂 To my friends struggling: you are not broken; maybe scratched, but you’re worth  salvaging! I am not special; if I can come from THAT, trust that ANYONE can! Whatever you do, believe and have faith that anything is possible!

Today

Maaan! I hit the wrong key and erased my entire blog! No worries, stuff happens! If at first you don’t succeed, right?? Long and short of it, I’m NOT perfect! I found myself acting improperly to a few people recently. Luckily, I’m baaaack for a few days now! What’s important is I don’t give up and take responsibility for my actions. The past is over; I can’t change a thing, but I can live in the moment and do what I need to do NOW 🙂

Lately

Sorry I have been gone for a little while; I am having technical difficulties! (Seasonal affective disorder) Eh, I’m used to it!  We had a hurricane a few weeks ago and it brought cold weather. Add low sunlight and presto! It is obnoxious, but I have tools to deal with it and while  a thorn in my side; it is nothing to write home about. Just know you CANNOT control your thoughts and emotions, but you can deal with them in appropriate manner. NOTHING happens without our permission! Negativity in life is inevitable, but it only overcomes us if we ALLOW it! I challenge everyone to concentrate on the haves, rather than have nots! Example : I have very good health (kind of haha, my labs are great!), 2 cats who love me, love in my life, and a roof over my head. I have my life. I will be grateful and slay the day!

Today and yesterday…

Stellar day yesterday! No, everyday is not perfect by any means, but I make the choice to be positive no matter WHAT. There is ALWAYS a silver lining, you can look at the negative as failure or learning experiences. I could look at my dad’s death negatively; say I lost my father, tragically young OR say I HAD a father for 21 years. I can drown in all the negative in my life, or choose to use it is as a chance to be more empathetic. I can choose to give freely of my time and love or remain selfish and keep my joys to myself. I have plenty of mistakes recently (BELIEVE that!), but these days, I am quick to admit when I’ve acted inappropriately and correct the situation. I have many reasons to falter, but these are not excuses to fail to take responsibility for bad behavior. I am very tired, I will hold my tongue today, for I need not release negativity into the universe. I will also be gentle with myself; realizing I can only try my best. If I fail, I will correct it and learn, rather than give up! We all have a choice as to whether or not we will start again at any given point! Choose well!

When we do good, we feel good about  ourselves! When we do bad and fail to correct the situation, we feel bad. At least I know I do! I challenge everyone to be ridiculously kind and spread your love today. When the situation arises, don’t be afraid to tell someone how much they mean to you. Mistakes can quickly be corrected or else we carry around unnecessary negativity in our souls. I was desperately negative in the past and am well aware everyone is simply where they are. Whether you have a mental illness, a disease , a disability or other simply be you and do your best! It’s all anyone can do!

Currently

Listening to beautiful music; reflecting on my life. It’s bloody amazing! I am beyond blessed! I’ve had a super month so far; I made a great new friend who was my father’s high school friend, am walking again, and was able to increase my exercise by 20 %. I  am going to use an old format that I haven’t used in years. REMINDER! These are merely suggestions! I am not God and am absolutely not telling anyone what to do!

Physical: PUSH yourself, but be SAFE!  Example: I was terrified to walk, but I knew I’d get nowhere unless I TRIED! You best believe I had a wall beside me in case I needed support! When I exercise, if I’m merely tired I continue, but if somethings is painful, I stop. If I seriously hurt myself… well that is NO good!

Mental: It’s perfectly ok to have bad times! Yes, I do,too! Life isn’t perfect; people aren’t perfect! I have found great people I can talk to about my deepest problems! It’s a blessing to be able to tell people my woes (I don’t share EVERYTHING on here lol). It is amazing to be able to use others and that which is for help!

Spiritual: I had a series of horrible events happen back to back last summer. One was something frightening that caused police involvement. I realized the next morning that this person was not well. I prayed for their happiness and for them to be well. I prayed for their inner peace and that they not hurt another person. I cannot describe the relief I felt. Often people carry anger and resentment with them for so long, it causes bitterness and grief. I need not hold onto such or it will consume me!

Perfection

So, I was almost sneaky and reposted an old writing of mine, but then I thought…that’s not right! Besides, I’m not one for taking the easy way. Simplest,yes. Easiest, no. So… I had a conversation earlier. I was saying how sad it was to know people are so ashamed of themselves and hate themselves so much. The other person said , um, Arlyn, think of what you did to yourself! You say yourself, no one’s perfect. Touche! I sometimes forget where I came from and forget that people are simply people. Each person is where they are in life and no one appreciates being told what to do. Sometimes, you must show by example, not simply talk the talk. I do that to the best of my ability. All we can do is try, right?? Everyone struggles sometimes! I am absolutely not alone in that regard… YOU are not alone! Realize you are loved and not living life alone! Today, I will try to not use my cane again, but if I have to it’s OK!! I am trying my hardest and that’s all ANYONE can do J

Happy today!

Happy day! Everyday is a great day if I choose. Some days are better than other! I get depressed, get physically unwell, look horrible, but know what? Bad times pass. I’ve learned NOTHING is permanent. If you are handicapable or sick, it’s OK! Everyone has a purpose! Age, status, financial status, relationships, mental or physical health only stops one if allowed! Just do you! The best for YOU, no one else! YOU!

HAPPY TODAY!

So, today is my father’s birthday (he committed suicide in 2001) and I just woke up to the BEST e-mail! It even had an old picture of my dad attached!! I haven’t been on here in a while, as I have been busy walking again! Yes! I have gone a few days without my cane! In June, I was using a walker! Extremely hard work , sometimes falling (figuratively and literally), and never ever giving up have  been key. I am well aware of what it’s like to be at the bottom spiritually, mentally, and physically. And no, I would change NOTHING; not my father’s suicide, not my disability,  not my bipolar disorder. They have made me extremely empathetic and forced  me to work EXTREMELY hard for what I have. With as atrocious as my past has been, I am that much full of elation and joy today! As you probably know, I had horrible substance abuse and anorexia and bulimia in the past. I would change NOTHING! Know that , like the phoenix, anyone can rise from the ashes! I am NOT unique! I have  many made many mistakes and have a sordid past. I still have good and bad days; realize NO ONE is perfect. All we can do is our best; accepting our frailties and realizing it’s completely OK to mess up. To be human is to err; to succumb is a choice. I encourage everyone to choose love, joy, and happiness and accept your flaws! Happy birthday Dad!